Who pays for a stag or hen do, and how to split it

The guest of honour pays nothing, and their share is split among everyone else, organiser included. Before planning anything, ask each guest privately what they can spend, build the core plan around the lowest comfortable answer, and price anything pricier as an optional extra. Collect deposits before you book anything that can't be refunded.

In Sweden these are the svensexa (for the groom) and the möhippa (for the bride), and they are traditionally a surprise: the guest of honour is often collected from home one morning without knowing the date or the plan. That tradition has a money consequence. The one person who can't object to the price is the one the day is for, so the organisers have to keep it sensible on their behalf.

Start with a private budget question

A group chat is the wrong place to ask about money. The first person to answer sets the bar, and nobody wants to say 800 kr after someone else has said 3,000. Message people one at a time:

Hi, I'm starting to plan Sofia's möhippa. Before I book anything: what total would you be comfortable spending, including your part of Sofia's costs? Only I'll see the answers. I'm thinking somewhere between 800 and 2,500 kr, but tell me if that's way off.

Say whether the figure includes travel and a night away, because people give very different answers for a day in town and a weekend in Tallinn. Then set the core budget close to the lowest answer, not the average. Everything above that becomes an optional add-on. If one answer is far below the rest, read the section on the friend who can't afford it before you decide anything.

The organiser pays a normal share. Organising is a favour to the guest of honour, not a job the others owe a free place for.

Spreading the guest of honour's share

Say nine friends plan a day in Stockholm for Sofia: padel and sauna in the afternoon, then a set dinner with a drinks package. Sofia pays nothing. The costs include her place at both, a costume and props for the day, and a group gift.

Each friend's own padel and dinner come to 1,000 kr. Sofia's place, the props and the gift add up to 1,800 kr, which adds 200 kr per friend.

That extra depends heavily on group size. With five friends instead of nine, the same day costs 6,800 kr and each person pays 1,360 kr, so 360 kr on top of their own share instead of 200. Small groups should keep the honoree-only extras (costume, gift, the special bottle) modest, because each one is split fewer ways.

Price optional extras separately

Anything not everyone wants, or not everyone can afford, sits outside the core price and is paid only by the people who sign up. That includes the guest of honour's place: if Sofia joins the optional part, her place is split among the people who chose it, not the whole group.

In the example, a cocktail class after dinner costs 300 kr a person. Six friends sign up and Sofia goes too, so seven places cost 2,100 kr, split six ways: 350 kr each. Those six pay 1,550 kr in total; the other three pay 1,200 kr and head to a bar or home.

Collect deposits before you book

The organiser shouldn't put 10,000 kr on their own card and hope. Once the plan is fixed, ask everyone for their share of anything non-refundable before you book it, with a deadline, and treat anyone who hasn't paid by then as not coming. A weekend abroad is where this matters most: flights and accommodation are usually paid up front and rarely refundable. For the trip side of that, our guide to splitting group holiday costs applies, with the honoree's share added on top.

Plan's locked: padel, sauna and dinner on the 14th, 1,200 kr each including Sofia's share. Padel has to be paid this week and isn't refundable, so please Swish me 450 kr by Friday. That confirms your place. The other 750 kr is due a week before.

The 450 kr covers each person's ninth of the 4,000 kr padel booking (444.44 kr) with a few kronor to spare, which go towards dinner.

When someone can't afford it

If one person's limit is well below the plan, there are three decent options:

• Lower the core so they can do all of it. Usually the best answer if the gap is a few hundred kronor.
• Let them join part of it. The guest of honour's cost for each part is then split among the friends at that part.
• A friend offers, privately, to cover the difference. Fine if it's offered freely and stays between the two of them.

The option to avoid is raising it in the group ("can we all chip in for Jonna?"), which turns a budget into a public discussion of someone's finances.

The partial option in numbers, assuming padel is booked for nine instead of ten: if Jonna comes only to dinner, she pays her own dinner (600 kr) plus a ninth of Sofia's dinner and the gift (1,100 kr ÷ 9 = 122.22 kr), so about 722 kr. The other eight split Sofia's padel and costume (700 kr) eight ways instead of nine and pay about 1,210 kr each. Everything still adds up to the 10,400 kr the smaller booking costs.

When someone drops out after paying

Refund what you can actually get back, and nothing more. If the restaurant only charges for guests who turn up, the dropout gets their 600 kr dinner money back. If padel was paid in advance, their 400 kr place is gone unless someone else takes it. Their part of Sofia's costs stays in: it was a contribution to her day, and recalculating would push everyone else up about 25 kr.

If they drop out for a serious reason, such as illness or a death in the family, most groups absorb the lost padel place without discussion. 400 kr split eight ways is 50 kr each. For deposits and no-shows more generally, see how to handle last-minute cancellations.

The bill on the night

A set menu with a drinks package is the easy version, because the price per head is known and sits in the core budget. If dinner is à la carte, or drinks carry on after the package runs out, the receipt is where it gets messy. Qvitt handles that from a photo: everyone claims what they had on their own phone, and Sofia's items can be split into equal parts for the rest of you to claim. It splits one receipt at a time, so for a whole weekend with several people paying for different things, keep a simple shared spreadsheet of who paid what. Rounds at the bar afterwards follow their own logic; see splitting rounds and bar tabs.